Yesterday I spent some time with a woman who I’ve grown to admire over the past few months. She has such a beautiful spirit – a love for God and for people.
She’s my sponsor.
Yes, I said it right. My sponsor. I could easily dress that title up and call her my mentor; it sounds way more acceptable. Less judgmental. But, I have no shame in sharing that I, Aprill Edwards – the opinionated ‘strong’ woman – have a sponsor.
And what exactly is a sponsor?
Perhaps you have heard of AA—Alcoholics Anonymous. Well, as members go through AA, they can have a sponsor assigned who walks through the program with them. A support system. An accountability partner. A guide.
Well, I am in a program called Celebrate Recovery (CR). This is a program for people who have hurts, hang-ups, and habits that they are working through. CR is a Christ-centered program that utilizes the 12 steps of AA to help individuals through their healing journey. Some people are healing issues with food addictions, codependency, grief and numerous other hurts, hang-ups, or habits.
For me, specifically, I began a new phase of healing in 2021 that was very difficult. I was working with my therapist to go back and confront trauma that I repressed for many years -quite a bit even from childhood. As much as I wanted to believe I could just ignore my inner turmoil and keep it bottled up, that wasn’t true. Instead, what was in me started to find its way out…in a way that felt heavy, draining, unclear and confusing.
So, I decided.
I decided that I deserved to live the rich, full, abundant life that God has reserved for me. And, in order for me to do so, I had to fully get out of my own way. I’d tried to fix the broken pieces on my own for years. However, I submitted to the truth that I am powerless to do so in some areas.
I already tried. Again and again. And so, I committed to fully surrendering to the process and being willing to follow the path that He shines a light on for me.
Job 22:28. “You will declare a thing, and it will be established for you; So light will shine on your ways.
Through a series of twists and turns on my journey, I asked God to give me a group of women who have dealt with trauma and were healing. Women who weren’t focused on their offenders, abusers, circumstances, or anything like that. A group of women who just wanted to focus on themselves. I was tired of walking the journey alone.
The next week I was talking to my therapist, and she told me about Celebrate Recovery and their Step Studies program. It was extremely aligned with what I asked for. My therapist just happened to have gone through CR as a participant and as a program leader. I found a local one that next day and started step studies that following Sunday.
This program has been so healing for me for several reasons. Foremost, I am so very different from the women there; when I walked in my first meeting, I thought about leaving and never coming back. But I’d already agreed that wherever God leads me, I’d plant my seed there. So, I stayed.My sponsor has roosters and chickens in her backyard. She has two cats. She grows her own herbs. Feeds the birds. And she LOVES, LOVES, LOVES essential oils. Just like me. XOXOXO. She’s so kind, loving, and understanding. I can openly share with her with no judgment, just a deep agape love that I can feel flowing from her. God uses her in so many ways and I love it. Her peace. Her calm. Her contentment. The healing she has experienced in her life is evident in her person. I am grateful for her.
CR has also forced me to look deep within. My pride. My ego. My offenses to others. It has slowly chipped away at a hard exterior that was formed through years of living in survival mode. I am so grateful for my journey.
But, is it necessary? Do I really need to do all of this?
Some might say no. In fact, I could find many, many reasons to be content where I am right now. Many. My life is filled with so many miracles. So many blessings. So much beauty. I could coast right where I am with so much joy and gratitude.
However, I know that I am called for a higher purpose. My healing isn’t just about me. I am a chain breaker. My willingness to blaze this trail before others connected to me will give them the courage to do the same. My willingness to be vulnerable and share my story will empower someone else. My healing allows me to help my children heal from things that we didn’t even know existed. I share intimately with them, and we evolve higher TOGETHER. My husband learns from me. Grows through me. And with me.
Sometimes, in life, we must be willing to do the hard things to make it easier for others in the long run. I’m grateful God chooses me. I’m grateful and honored to allow him to use me. I’ve questioned so many things in my life. I’ve looked back and wondered what things would’ve been like if my dear mommy hadn’t died when I was 13. Who would I be? I’ve felt cheated. Disappointed. Like a failure. But today, I understand. Not fully, but I do know it has a purpose. And I’m excited to see what it will fully be…this time.
Let me end this blog today by sharing this with you…
“There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker or smarter. Everything is within you. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.”
What are you seeking in life that you have thought the answer was in something external? The secret sauce is within. The process is not always easy. But, trust me…it is worth it.
Have an amazing day today my friend. xoxoxo
My mission is to help women overcome so that they can become. We possess the power to overcome anything that stands in the way of us living our best, most bold, most intentional life and becoming everything that we’ve ever desired for our lives. That comes with doing some work, but the work is where the magic happens. You have to show up, do the work and allow the magic to happen.
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Until next time, I leave you with light, love, and high vibrations! Toodles. Talk soon.
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